With Silence and Tears
by MyAlias88
Summary: She felt endless pangs of guilt surging though her body…because somehow, someway, she knew that she was probably to blame for this.
1. Chapter 1: The Guilt of the Present

**Title: **With Silence and Tears (1/?)

**Pairing:** Logan/Veronica, Piz/Veronica (brief)

**Rating: **M

**Spoilers: **Through 3x20, _The Bitch is Back_. Set right after the finale.

**Word Count: **3,948

**Chapter Summary:** "She felt endless pangs of guilt surging though her body…because somehow, someway, she knew that she was probably to blame for this."

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Veronica Mars or any of the characters in the fic.

**A.N.:** This is my first fanfic ever, so please don't crush my newbie spirit when you write your reviews. That being said, constructive criticism is encouraged.

In secret we met—  
In silence I grieve  
That thy heart could forget,  
Thy spirit deceive.  
If I should meet thee  
After long years,  
How should I greet thee?—  
With silence and tears.

"When We to Parted" – by Lord Byron

**Chapter 1: The Guilt of the Present**

It was ten after two in the morning. Veronica was resting in her bed, warmly wrapped up in her favorite quilt. The moonlight shining through the window in the foyer had crept into her bedroom, illuminating various knickknacks on her desk. The unicorn music box that her mother had left her years ago was in full light, mocking her in the silent darkness of her room. The image of Veronica's mother suddenly filled her mind. She was probably drunk off her ass somewhere, sleeping in a gutter.

Veronica's eyebrows narrowed, as she let out an angry huff. Her blank expression soon replaced by an ugly scowl. She was half right anyway. She knew where her mother was, and frankly she couldn't give a fuck. Her father, on the other hand, still seemed to care a bit about his former wife's well-being. At the very least, he pretended to care, if only for his daughter's sake. Either way, when the mother of his child had called him saying that she was in trouble, he had come a' running.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_It was yesterday, voting day. Veronica was in her Saturn, jamming to a Rilo Kiley song on her way to cast her vote for sheriff. Just as the chorus started to play her cell phone rang loudly, jolting her back to reality. She hastily turned the volume knob counterclockwise. The music fading quickly as she fumbled in her messenger bag, searching for her phone. Seconds later she had her cell to her ear._

"_Hello?" she answered loudly._

"_Veronica, it's dad," he replied, struggling to hear her amidst the background noise._

_She quickly rolled up the windows. "Hey Pops, on my way to vote. Still not sure who I'm voting for, I figure I could go with the jackass or the smartass. It's a toss up really." she joked._

"_Ha ha, very cute," he paused. "Listen kiddo, something came up and I have to go away for a day or two," he added, too nonchalantly._

_Despite his best effort, Veronica noticed the anxious inflection in his voice. Something was wrong. Why would he leave right around election time? It's not like had to chase some bail jumper. He hadn't taken any cases at the office in months and the crime spree in Neptune was dying down. It didn't make sense. _

"_What's up? You and Alicia back together and going to Vegas to get hitched?" she laughed at her joke and then listened carefully for his response._

"_Hey, what happens in Vegas…well, you know the rest."_

"_Yeah, I know…" she moved her cell phone to her other ear. "So really dad, what's this about?" she asked, her voice calm and steady._

_He took a long breath, then exhaled slowly. There was really no point in lying to her. She was a Mars after all, and secrets never stayed secret for very long. Not in their household anyway. _

"_It's your mother, Veronica. She's in a bit of trouble…but it's nothing I can't handle," he reassured her._

"_Oh God! What did she drink herself to death this time?" she snapped._

"_Veronica" he scolded her. "Look, I know this is a bad time, what with the election and all…but I have to do this and-" He was interrupted by a series of loud bangs. He turned to see a largely built young man staring at him through the glass of the phone booth. Keith nodded as the man pointed dramatically as his watch._

"_Dad, what was-?" she mumbled worriedly._

"_Listen honey, I have to go right now. But I'll call you when I'm on my way home, okay? I love you." He hung up before she had time to respond._

_Veronica threw her phone onto the passenger seat in annoyance. She let out a bitter laugh, nostrils flaring as she shook her head in the negative. Her nails dug into the plush fabric of the steering wheel before she let out a shallow breath, fixing her fiery eyes on the road ahead._

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Snapping out of her daydream, Veronica gently tugged the edges of the cotton coverlet up over her bare shoulders as she stared at the ceiling. The fan above her was rocking slightly, creating a faint _hum_ as the blades turned rhythmically, hypnotically.

She let out a jagged breath as she banged her fists roughly against her mattress, hearing the water underneath _swoosh_ against its rubbery confines. She had been laying there for nearly two hours and she had yet to fall asleep.

To say that she was exhausted was an understatement. She was beyond exhausted. Yesterday had been one of the most eventful days of her life. And in nineteen years of existence, Veronica Mars had already endured more than her fair share of "eventful" days. Yes, yesterday was definitely on the top-five list.

"Oh my god! Mr. Sandman, where are you? You're supposed to be bringing me a dream…isn't that how the song goes?" she huffed.

She was being childish. Blaming fictional characters for her problems. She knew why she couldn't sleep. She knew what she had done. She had screwed up. And this time, someone else was going to take the fall. Someone she loved more than anything in this world.

"I'm so sorry dad." she whispered in the silence of her room.

Sure, the ballots hadn't actually been tallied yet and he could still come out on top. Yeah, so some voters might have read the article yesterday that said her dad had tampered with evidence. But people don't always believe what they read in the newspaper. Right?

God. Who was she kidding? If she had learned anything from living in Neptune it was that people are sheep – and everybody loves to blame somebody. It was like that when her dad had accused Jake Kane of murdering Lilly nearly four years ago. The whole town had turned their back on him. And this time…she was sure most of them would do it again. Yes. People are sheep. That's just reality.

So that's it. She would deal with it. And if worst came to worse and Vinnie Van Lowe won, they'd still have Mars Investigations. She was sure the extra daddy-daughter time would brighten his days a little. Oh, who was she fooling? He loved being Sheriff. Okay, that was it. When her dad got home tomorrow, she would be doing some serious graveling. As for now, she figured she'd just keep basking in the guilt.

"That's it Veronica, breathe it in."

Oh yeah, and what about that other thing? There was no way in _hell_ she was going to sleep when every other time she closed her eyes she saw his face, felt his hands on her body.

Fuck. She couldn't do this now. Not again. She needed to stop analyzing her mistakes and at least try to make things right. A mistake. Yes, it was just a mistake. A minor err in judgment. It _was_ nothing. It _meant_ nothing.

Okay, maybe it was a _major_ mistake - a major, mind-blowing, earth shattering mistake - but a mistake nonetheless. Veronica shifted slowly on her side as the images from hours ago came rushing back, flooding her mind.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_Veronica had gone to Logan's hotel room immediately after voting. She had convinced herself that the only reason for her visit was to warn him about Gory Sorokin. Logan had stood up for her in the cafeteria just a little over twenty-four hours ago. After publicly humiliating Gory, he had sworn that Logan would pay for his actions. Later that day, Veronica made a metal note to fill Logan in on Gory and the Castle. She could at least provide him with some ammo before the inevitable showdown began._

_She inhaled sharply as she raised her fist in the air and knocked forcefully. She was still fuming from the conversation she'd had with her father. Taking another deep breath, Veronica reminded herself not to project her anger onto Logan. Sure, she was still upset about the Piz incident but she hadn't come here to fight. Not this time._

_Veronica anxiously ran her hands through her damp hair, gently pushing a wayward strand back behind her ear. Her hands quickly fell to her sides when she heard footsteps approaching. Her azure eyes shot up as the door was abruptly flung open. Logan was standing in the doorway, shirtless, a half eaten apple in his hand. Veronica immediately noticed the bewildered look on his face. They stood in silence for a few moments._

_He stepped aside to let her in. "Dick's not here," he joked, hoping to break the awkward quiet between them._

"_I didn't come for Dick," she retorted dryly, slipping past Logan and into the room._

_Logan shut the door behind her. He opened his mouth to respond but then though it better to keep his jokes to himself. "So, why are you here?" he paused. "What? Come to lecture me for hitting that guy in the cafeteria? You just decide that it wasn't hot, but wrong? I should be punished, right?" he laughed, his sarcasm tinged with resentment._

_Veronica shot him a glare. "_Excuse_ me?" she bit back, crossing her arms defiantly. _

"_Oh _please_ Veronica," he spat. When he saw the confused expression on her face he continued. "If looks could fuck, I'd be sore for days, after that look you gave me in the caf." He stepped forward, punctuating his words._

_Veronica automatically stepped back. "Jesus Logan, you're so fucking full of yourself," she seethed._

"_What? Did I strike a nerve? God, who knew Veronica Mars had feelings? You know…other than anger." He tossed his apple in the trash can irritably._

_An annoyed laugh escaped her. "You're such an ass...you'll never change," she huffed, turning toward the door and grabbing the knob._

_When she turned back around to face him, ready to fire back her last insult, his hand was on hers. His bare chest was pressing hard against her as he stared down at her. He was livid, his dark eyes burning into hers, for what seemed to be an eternity._

_She hastily looked away, breaking his spell. "Logan, stop! You're hurting my hand!" She pushed against his chest with her free hand. He grabbed her wrist, pinning it above her head. _

_Veronica resisted, striving to get free. "Logan! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Let me go! Now!" she yelled, her eyes traveling up to meet his. He was still gazing at her. _

_Veronica suddenly stopped talking, she stopped struggling. There was something in his eyes: pain, anger, resentment and something else. Something she couldn't quite place. What was it? Lust…Love?_

_Before she could decide she felt his mouth on hers, his hands cupping her face. Veronica instantly responded, her body molding into his._

_After a few moments, she quickly pulled away. Panting, she took a cautious step back. Her eyes drifted to the floor shamefully as she spoke. "Logan, don't. I can't do this. I have a…I can't-"_

_He shoved his hands in his pockets nervously. "Fine." A look of disappointment washed over his face. He turned away and Veronica grabbed his arm. He spun around as she pulled him down into a deep kiss._

_When she felt his hot mouth on her cool, damp neck…she knew what she was doing. When she felt his warm hand travel to the small of her back, pressing her waist into his…she knew what she was doing. Oh god, she knew what she was doing. And on some level, she knew it was wrong. But right now, in that moment, she chose not to care. And really, who could blame her? It had been so long since she had felt like this. Passionate. On fire. Alive. _

_Sure, she and Piz had had a number of heated make out sessions but his uncertain touch had been more of a turnoff than anything else. Logan, on the other hand, was brimming over with confidence, his sure hands eliciting muddled sounds from Veronica's throat._

_God, he was intoxicating - like the sweet taste of liquor to an alcoholic that had been sober for so long. Too long. Yes, if Logan Echolls was her metaphorical tequila, she was going to drink him in, shot after shot until her heart was racing and her head was spinning. She'd deal with the inevitable head pounding, nauseating hangover of guilt later. But not now._

_Her thoughts rapidly evaporated when Logan ran his tongue over her pulse point, biting her skin lightly. Veronica let out an approving gasp, digging her nails into his bare shoulders._

_Logan moved forward, pushing her against the wall. Veronica gasped when her head hit the plaster. Logan made his apology by trailing soft kisses down her neck as he ran his hands over her chest. He let out a frustrated groan when he felt the thick fabric covering her. He was contemplating the notion of ripping it off when Veronica mumbled something in his ear._

"_What?" he panted into her neck._

"_Rip…rip it off," she stammered, raking her nails down his stomach before unbuttoning his jeans._

**XXXXXXXXXX**

All of a sudden, Veronica's fan creaked loudly, sending her spiraling back to reality. She inhaled sharply before shamefully burying her face in her hands. The feel of her cool palms on her warm face told her that her face was slightly flushed and her shame intensify.

She shook her head, in a mock attempt to shake away her thoughts. She turned and glanced at her alarm clock again. It was now forty-six after two. She was grateful when she heard some noises coming from the street outside of her apartment complex. Finally, a distraction - something to take her mind off of _him_. Realizing that the sounds were approaching her apartment, Veronica sat up, a quizzical expression on her face.

She listened carefully, hearing two muffled voices but was unable to decipher their words. Then, she heard a loud _thud_ outside of the door. Veronica slowly walked out of her room and saw Backup standing by the window, ears perked.

"Backup, come here boy." He obediently walked over to her. "And if there's a flaming pile of dog shit on the 'welcome mat' then I'll let you loose and you can play chew toy with their faces, sound good?" Backup barked in agreement.

The two voices trailed off in the distance and then a car engine started to rev. The sound of tires screeching quickly followed.

When Veronica assumed that the mystery men had left, she moved to open the door. "And now to see what lies behind door number one," she whispered.

She opened the door gradually. It was pitch black outside but she could see a figure lain on the pavement in front of her apartment. Backup was growling and she motioned for him to stay put at the door. "Backup, be cool."

She moved closer to the body and quickly registered that the figure was indeed male. He was facedown on the ground and Veronica noticed that he was clad in his boxers alone. His back was bruised and there were deep, long, vertical gashes on his back. He looked as if he had been whipped repeatedly. His head had a large gash in the back of it and there was a pool of blood rapidly gathering underneath his right leg.

Peering into the darkness, she could see what appeared to be a white Poocha bead necklace snugly wrapped around his neck. It couldn't be him, she thought. It _had_ to be someone else.

Fearing for the worst, Veronica turned him over. Her mind immediately failed her. She was in utter shock as she frantically called out his name.

"Oh my god, Logan! Logan, Logan…can you hear me? She quickly came to her senses and checked for a pulse. She heard a faint noise. It was there. It was faint and slow, but it was there. Tears streamed down her face as she raced into the apartment and dialed 911. Veronica gave them her address as plainly as she could.

"Ok, fine. Just hurry, he's…I…I…don't know how much longer he can hold on." She hung up forcefully, grabbed some dish towels and raced back out to Logan.

"Logan? Logan? Stay with me…okay? Help is on the way…pl…please just hold on," she stammered as she tried to control her breathing.

Veronica quickly tied one of the towels around the wound on Logan's leg. Within seconds the towel was soaked in his blood. She gently cradled his head in her arm, pressing the cloth against the gash in his head. She softly stroked his bruised and bleeding face. Her tears fell down as she tried to assure him that he'd be fine.

Checking for more injuries, Veronica gave his body a once-over. Her eyes locked on his abdomen when she noticed swirls and trails of dried blood. She lightly placed Logan's head back down on the ground, positioning herself so that she could read the words.

There was a message on Logan's chest written in his blood, it read: **Present for Veronica Mars. Feel guilty?**

Veronica stared blankly at the message for a minute until she heard a groan. She instantly snapped out of it and met Logan's eyes. His eye lids fluttered open briefly before closing and remaining shut.

"Logan, Logan? No. No don't do this to me. Stay with me," she pleaded. Veronica checked his pulse again. It was still there. She cradled his head again and pressed the towel harder against his head. Veronica felt so helpless…and angry and shocked and anxious and scared. And then there was that other thing.

Guilt.

She felt endless pangs of guilt surging though her body…because somehow, someway, she knew that she was probably to blame for this.

But somehow, someway, she knew that she would exact her revenge. She could make it right. She _would_ make it right. And from that resolution, she drew strength. The last of her tears fell as she wiped her face. Logan would be okay. He had to be.

For once, he needed her. _He _needed to be saved.

Veronica suddenly looked up. She could hear sirens approaching. Then, she looked back down at Logan. Her gaze was intense; she wasn't hiding anything from him. All of her emotions had played out across her face in the last few minutes. She had been vulnerable and scared and weak the moment that she saw him lain there. It was all he had ever wanted, for her to open up to him, to show him all of her. And now that she finally did…he was unconscious for it all.

And in that moment she realized that she still loved him. She had loved him for so long now but why hadn't she ever realized how deep her love for him really was? Why now? One more tear fell as she pondered that last thought. God, was it too late for them now?

Two paramedics quickly approached them with a stretcher. "We're not too late are we?" asked the older of the two male medics.

"No. No, you're not" she spat out.

They readily got Logan onto the cold, white stretcher and inside of the ambulance. Veronica thoughtlessly climbed in the back of the vehicle with Logan. The medics begin to work on him as they sped to the hospital while Veronica kept squeezing Logan's hand.

She whispered, "It's never too late" under her breath before lowering her head and kissing him gently on the forehead.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Veronica sat anxiously in the cold empty Waiting Room of the hospital. She nervously eyed the clock on the wall as she sat, knees pressed to her stomach. It had been three hours and thirty-seven minutes since Logan had been wheeled into the OR. And no one had bothered to keep her posted on his condition.

She unconsciously rubbed her bare arms. After feeling the apparent goose bumps she mumbled something in frustration about forgetting to grab a sweater. And then, she silently cursed herself for complaining about something as minute as being a little cold when Logan was suffering from serious and most likely life threatening injuries.

Damn her.

She glanced over at the TV sitting in the corner. Apparently, the hospital personnel thought that it would be a good idea to keep the station set on TNT. _A Walk to Remember_ was playing. Veronica had seen the movie years ago and not thought much of it. Hollywood always exaggerated teenage love stories. Love wasn't ever that easy and it wasn't ever that hard. She could never relate.

But for some reason, at that exact moment, she must have felt exactly what Shane West's character was feeling. Both of them sitting in a hospital, waiting and alone. She could relate…and that feeling bothered her more than the cold air nipping at her bare skin.

Trying to shake away the thought, Veronica scanned the room once more. Her eyes darted back over to the clock. That was it. She was tired of waiting. She was going see Logan, even if she had to pose as a doctor to do it. Hell, she'd seen a few episodes of _Grey's Anatomy,_ if questioned, she could lie. If the situation called for it, Veronica Mars could bullshit with the best of them.

Determined, she got up from her chair and exited the room. She scanned the halls. With the exception of a nurse reading a copy of "Cosmo" and a janitor mopping the floor, the hallway was more or less empty. Walking in the direction of the OR, Veronica turned a corner, bumping into a nurse. She was a redhead, probably in her early forties. And she was also one of Logan's nurses. Veronica froze in her tracks as she tried to make sense of the remorseful expression on the woman's face.

"Miss Mars? Correct?" the nurse inquired, her tone chillingly robotic.

"Yes. How is he?" she chocked out the last word as she tried to fight a sudden wave of tears threatening to fall.

"You might want to sit down Miss Mars…" she replied in the same cold tenor.

"It's Veronica and I've been sitting for hours. Now please just answer my fucking question. Can you do that for me Big Red?" Veronica crossed her arms resolutely as she stared up at the nurse. She didn't care if she was being rude. She had waited long enough to see if Logan was okay. She'd be damned if this woman made her wait any longer.

"Miss Ma-…Veronica. Mr. Echolls has suffered major head trauma and many other injuries. He lost a lot of blood but he is more or less stable…for now."

"Okay, well can I see him now? I need to see him now!" she nearly shouted the second half of her statement.

"We are giving him drugs to keep him unconscious for a little while, until his body is ready to consciously deal with the enormous amount of shock and trauma that it has endured."

Veronica's head was spinning. She was sure she had endured a bit of shock tonight as well. Emotional shock albeit, but shock nonetheless.

Veronica sighed as she uncrossed her arms. Logan was alive. He was still in pain and unconscious but he was alive. He was no longer lain helplessly on the pavement in front of her door. No. Now he was resting in a hospital bed getting the help that he needed. She had done her part.

Veronica sighed. "Okay, thank you. Is there a phone anywhere around here?"

"Yes, down the hall and to your left."

"Thanks," Veronica breathed as she turned and walked away.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	2. Chapter 2: The Fallout

**A.N. 1:** A million thanks to Alliegirl aka Aurelia for reading and giving me her thoughts. A Spuffy shipper helping out a Bangel shipper, now that's class ladies and gentlemen, lol.

**A.N. 2:** Not only is this my first fic, it's also my first time writing smut, let alone semi-angry smut. So keep that in mind before you start throwing rotten tomatoes at me…and for the love of Logan, please review!

**Chapter 2: The Fallout**

Veronica sat, once again, in the Waiting Room. There she sat. Waiting silently, biting her nails in apprehension. She was no longer alone; there was an elderly woman across the room. The woman had been sending Veronica dodgy glances ever since she had come back after calling _him_.

God. She didn't even want to _look_ at him, let alone talk to him. But she had no choice. Wallace was getting his affairs in order before abandoning her for the summer to go to Africa and "make a difference." Mac was away with Max at some convention. Her father was God knows where, too busy saving her shell of a mother from whatever predicament she had gotten herself into. She would have called Weevil but she couldn't remember his number and her precious Sidekick- in which said number was stored- was sitting on the dresser in her room. For a moment, she considered calling Parker but then quickly came to her senses.

So there she was, once again- caught between that fucking proverbial rock and a hard place. So Veronica did what she had to, she called her boyfriend.

Letting out a resigned huff, she looked up; locking eyes with the room's other occupant. The woman quickly returned her gaze back to her magazine. Veronica rolled her eyes before glancing over at the clock. It was nearing seven o'clock in the morning and she was exhausted. She needed to get home and take a shower and a long nap- that is, if she could manage to silence her mind long enough to let sleep envelop her.

She hadn't slept a minute since stepping foot in the hospital, watching anxiously as the paramedics wheeled Logan into the Operating Room. She was too scared that the doctors might need medical information about Logan and she'd be useless asleep. Few people knew about his heart murmur and Veronica was quick to alert one of his doctors. It was an innocent murmur; an irregular thumping that came and went. Still, she made sure that the nurses jotted the information down in his medical chart. Even if it _was_ insignificant, Veronica would never forgive herself if her own negligence was responsible- even partially- for Logan's dea-…

No, she wasn't even going to let that horrifying possibility enter her mind. Not again. Logan was a survivor. He'd been cast into more circles and rings of Hell than Dante himself. Yet, he had still managed to come out alive. No, he was not completely unscathed- the scars on his skin and soul were proof of that. "He's a survivor," Veronica mumbled to herself quietly, still clinging on to that frayed thread of hope. "He'll be fine."

She let out a ragged yawn, her hand discretely covering her mouth as her chest rose and fell. God was she drained. So much had happened in a day. After she had found Logan outside of her apartment her world had come crashing down. To think, just hours before everything fell apart, she and Logan had…Veronica quickly glanced up, hearing the woman across the room clear her throat. Okay, Veronica decided that A- there was a scarlet "A" somewhere on her chest that she was unaware of or B- this woman was a mind reader. Veronica unconsciously glanced down at her chest. Nope, no "A" she sighed, laughing inwardly at the absurdity of her paranoia.

Well, it _must_ have been the latter. The woman _had_ to be reading her mind…and if she was, Veronica could completely understand the older woman's filthy looks. Hell, the thoughts that were floating around in her head right now would probably make that sex educator Sue Johanson blush. Well, maybe not, but these thoughts were definitely worthy of a high-five from the brazen woman. Okay, maybe they were worthy of a _couple of_ high-fives and a "You go girl," thrown in there for good measure.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_Rip…rip it off," she stammered, raking her nails down his stomach before unbuttoning his jeans. _

_Less than a second later, __the faint sound of dime size buttons bouncing onto the floor below filled her ears. Veronica went into sensory overload as Logan's eager hands ghosted over her breasts, thumbs circling her hardened nipples through the thin lace of her cream bra._

_God, baby I missed you so much..." he breathed while planting lustfully wet kisses to her shoulder and neck._

"_Shut up." She gasped under her breath before gripping his shoulders roughly, her nails pressing half-moons into his flesh. Logan let out a hiss, his nerves screaming as a few of her nails broke skin. He squeezed her hip tightly in response, his fingers constricting around her waist- branding and bruising her with his own mark as he pressed her harder into the wall. Veronica bit her bottom lip, stifling a cry. The sweet fusion of pain and pleasure was intoxicating and Veronica drank it in fervently. _

_When his mouth traveled up to her ear, sucking and biting at her earlobe, she heard those familiar words again. "Baby, I missed you." She cringed, hearing each whispered word loud and clear. Gritting her teeth, she grabbed his face, pulling him into a hard searing kiss. _

_Veronica figured that either Logan hadn't heard her command for his silence or that he had and simply didn't care. Either option made her want to kick him in the balls. Why the fuck did he have to piss her off so much? _

_Any residual aggravation she felt quickly evaporated from her consciousness as Logan's hands traveled downward, his fingers working open the button and zipper of her jeans._

_He swiftly tugged down her pants without breaking their kiss. Veronica automatically stepped out of her jeans before he lifted her up and planted her on his hips. She instinctively wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, gripping his back, trying to pull herself closer to him. _

_Logan let out primal grunt as the sudden friction send a shockwave of pure and burning heat straight to his groin. _

_Veronica lost herself in their long drugging kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and threading her fingers in his spiky hair. When Logan suddenly broke away from her mouth, she let out an objecting groan. Her protesting cries quickly melted into incoherent whimpers when his mouth landed on that_ _place on her neck. That place that drove her insane. That place that shot her to the stars._

_And then she heard those three little words. Three little words that sent her plummeting back down to earth. Back down to reality. "I love you," Logan confessed, the words nearly inaudible amongst their staccato mantra of heavy breathing and gasping moans. _

_Veronica didn't want sweet, loving Logan. She wanted jackass, reckless Logan; the Logan that would willingly plow his ex-girlfriend, indifferent of the aftermath. She wanted to forget all that was wrong in her life for a few selfish moments. Forget about the very real possibility that her father might lose the election. Forget about the Castle and Jake Kane. But most of all, she wanted to forget about those three little words and the fact that Piz, just a few hours ago, had mumbled the exact same sentiment to her- and for the life of her, Veronica had had no idea how to respond. So, when her cell phone had rung she answered it quickly before telling him that she needed to go, leaving a shattered Piz sitting in the cafeteria. Avoidance was key._

_And now, Logan was looking at her like that. Looking at her like he loved her, like the past few months were just a dream, a horrible nightmare and this, _this_ was reality. But Veronica couldn't forget and before she knew it, the levy broke- and all of the pain, fear, guilt and rage came rushing out, pulling her under. All of her problems seemed to have caught up with her and she was pinned against the wall. Fight or flight and Veronica's first instinct was to go, make a break for it- but she had nowhere to run. _

_Then, it happened. An involuntary response. A reflex. She hadn't even processed it until she felt the raw stinging in her palm and saw the red outline of her hand imprinted on his left cheek._

_Veronica just stared down at Logan, her mouth forming a small "o" her eyes full of emotion. Shock gracing her delicate features as his midnight eyes burned into hers. Seconds later, without warning, he released her and the back of Veronica's head smacked the wall behind her on her descent down._

_Logan slowly took a few steps back, running a clumsy hand through his unruly hair, trying to keep his emotions at bay._

_A minute went by before Veronica decided to speak up, looking down at the ground as she spoke softly. "Logan, I'm sorry I-"_

_He swallowed hard, raising his hand and pointing to the door as his voice shook. "Just get out."_

_Veronica took one tentative step toward him, staring up at his flushed face, she whispered. "Look Logan I-"_

_His eyes immediately met hers, his jaw was clenched and his nostrils flared angrily. "I said go. Leave. So get the _fuck_ out!" he barked._

_Fear flashed in her eyes briefly as she shrunk back but she just wanted to explain herself and then maybe she could fix this. So Veronica pressed on, "Please, Logan just let me expl-"_

_He cut her off mid-sentence as he took a step forward, crowding her near the wall. "_Explain_? Is that it? You want to explain away why you just slapped me?" before she could get a word out he spoke again._

"_You know what Veronica- Maybe you should try explaining to your _boyfriend_ what you were doing over here?" he spat out, the words like bile in his mouth. Logan swallowed audibly, a disgusted look on his face._

_Veronica's eyes widened and her apologetic expression hardened instantly. God she hated Logan. She really hated him. He was staring down at her with that smug expression on his face. Who was he to preach to her about morals? Logan had committed countless acts of immorality- from organizing bum fights to sleeping with his best friend's very married step mom. Logan Echolls, Patron Saint of Virtue- yeah fucking right._

"_I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing that his girlfriend's a slut …Jesus, you really are your mother's daughter." _

_He had only told her "I love you" twice throughout their entire mess of a relationship- once in his Xterra, after a date and once during a fight. Neither confession had been received like he had hoped. She had joked about his revelation the first time and the second time she'd seemed more annoyed than anything else. When Logan had finally gotten up the courage to ask her if she loved him too, he was answered with an unconvincing "Yeah" and a nod. No, Veronica had never actually said the words to him and Logan was staring to think that she never would. _

_Another moment passed and he laughed bitterly before biting his lower lip. He wondered for a split-second if maybe he'd gone too far but then he finally heard her speak up._

"_Funny, because I was just thinking how much you remind me of your father." Veronica shot back._

_There. Mutual destruction. Foot meet landmine, landmine meet foot. Boom. Veronica just waited; she stared up at him with determined eyes and waited for the fallout._

_Logan's eyes nearly turned black, his blood was boiling and when he pinned Veronica against the wall, it took her all the resolve she had not to flinch._

_His imposing form was pressed up against her and Veronica could feel his heart pounding a mile a minute against her chest, marching to the rapid beat of her own. But his voice was eerily calm when he spoke slowly. "Take it back" he pleaded, staring down at her and Veronica could see it in his eyes- the calm before the storm._

This_ was the moment. This was the moment when _she_ would be out of _his_ life forever. She had committed the ultimate sin, at least in Logan's eyes. She had compared Logan to his father and even though it might not have been true- it still cut him deep. But right now, she couldn't care less. Fuck the cost and fuck Logan Echolls. This was a war and no way in _hell_ was she going to lose. No, she would not apologize. She was going to fight fire with fire._

_Her silence was driving him mad, pushing him further into a deep inferno of blinding rage. Logan's hands rose as he waited for a response from her. But Veronica just stood there, starting up at him, lips contently sealed- and that drove him insane. _

_Placing his hands firmly on her shoulder, he shook her roughly. "Say it Veronica! Take it back!" He shouted, his voice quaking as the veins in his neck and forehead trembled furiously. Still, she remained quiet, resolute determination plastered on her face. _

_The silence was suffocating him and Logan couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there, needed to get away from her. And then, he noticed something. Something he hadn't seen in months. There it was, that look in her eyes. Underneath all of that anger was that scrappy, snarky, stubborn girl. The girl that put a bong in his locker, the girl that would do anything to solve a case, to exact revenge. He stared deep into her sapphire eyes, deep into her soul and he saw her- the girl that he fell in love with years ago. _

_So Logan did the only thing that made sense to him. However irrational or wrong it might have been, when it came to Veronica, Logan always found himself shifting from one extreme to another. Ready to fight or ready to fuck, and right now the scale was tipping and he was sliding before he even had time to think about it._

_Veronica was in utter shock as Logan's hands slipped under her jaw, bringing her mouth to meet his as he savagely claimed her lips. After a quick moment Veronica struggled against him. Placing her hands on his chest, she used all of her strength to shove him back, breaking his kiss. _

_Logan stared down at her, that determination in her eyes was gone. All he could see now was confusion, anger and lust reflecting back into his own black orbs. He was wondering if maybe he had made a mistake. He was still infuriated with her and now they were back _there_ again. Back to staring at each other- shrouded in quiet, thunderous silence._

_What the fuck was his problem? What, did he think he could just kiss her and all of her anger would melt away? Kiss her and she would forgive him for being a jackass, for making her feel guilty over Piz…for sleeping with Madison? No, no fucking way. Her brain was telling her, screaming at her, to slap him again- to slap some sense into that deluded head of his. But something was holding her back. Somehow, in some fucked up way, it made sense- when he kissed her, it made sense._

_Both of them were panting hard when Veronica grabbed his neck, pulling him down into a punishing kiss- tongues clashing and teeth biting and there was no going back. This was it- the last hurrah._

_Veronica was going to fuck him out of her system once and for all. She just needed one more hit off the crack pipe that was Logan Echolls and then she'd be sated. She would get her fix. Then, after this…no more. She didn't care if it was wrong. This was Neptune; there was no clear division of white and black, right and wrong. There were only shades of gray. _

_All of her thoughts slipped away as Logan spun them, traveling along the wall toward the nearest flat surface. They only made it a few feet before Veronica's elbow smacked into one of the decorative wine bottles on the shelf in an alcove of the wall. _

_She gasped as a sharp pain shot through her arm and the bottle came crashing to the floor; pieces of glass scattered about the dark oak beneath them, blocking their path to the couch. If she hadn't felt her elbow make contact with the bottle, Veronica probably wouldn't have noticed the disturbance at all. She hadn't even registered that Logan had rid her of her bra until his mouth had traveled to her right breast- sucking and nipping at her silky skin. When he closed his teeth gently around her nipple, biting down softly Veronica choked on a gulp of air._

_Seconds later and she was busy fumbling with Logan's jeans, trying to pull them down past his waist. Thankfully, he assisted her, successfully pulling them down with a forceful tug. A mindless moan flew out of her mouth as he pressed his hips into hers and she couldn't get her underwear off fast enough. She reached down to remove the unwanted barrier but Logan's hand got there first and he quickly pulled the thin fabric down her slim thighs. _

_Veronica let out a strangled cry as Logan grabbed the backs of her thighs, lifting her up to rest on his hips. After she secured her legs around his waist, Veronica's mouth was crushing against his and somebody bit down a bit too hard. She wasn't sure who but she was sure she tasted blood. Whomever it belonged to didn't matter much. _

_Forget the "I love yous" and gentle touches. This wasn't a proclamation of love. This was a release. A momentary distraction from the horrors that so often plagued their lives. Nothing more._

_Veronica could feel him hot and hard pressing between her legs and she couldn't wait any longer. "Logan…please," she moaned wantonly, lips trembling beneath his ear. _

_T__he jagged breaths that escaped her sent shivers down his spine. Not another second went by before he was guiding himself inside her with one forceful thrust._

_Veronica's mouth dropped open as her head hit the wall again. "Oh…god…oh…fuck," she mumbled, chest heaving as she gasped for air. _

_Logan released a low guttural moan letting the sudden sensation pass through his body. "Jesus Ronica…so tight…when was the last time-" he spat out before rocking his hips against hers._

_She met his thrust before answering him "Y...you" she stuttered as Logan lowered his head and began sucking on her pulse point. He smiled against her skin. _He_ was the last one that she had been with. Of course, she had told him a few days ago that she hadn't slept with Piz but at the time Logan wasn't entirely sure that she was being truthful. But now, being inside her, feeling the velvety soft of her muscles constricting around him- it was all the confirmation he needed. No, she definitely hadn't slept with Piz and that comforted Logan. It gave him hope, maybe she hadn't been ready…maybe she hadn't quite gotten over him._

_A sudden urge overtook him at that moment. He wanted to tell her again- to let out those three little words just one more time but ironically enough, th__is wasn't the time or place. God he was such a fucking sap. Logan shook away the urge and kept his mouth shut, choosing instead to increase his momentum, building up the pressure where their bodies where joined._

_The new rhythm sent another wave of pleasure careening though Veronica's body as he drove into her faster and harder with every consecutive thrust. "Don't stop," she whimpered as they rocked back and forth, her back scraping up against the wall as Logan fucked her harder._

_Her hand slid behind his sweat-slicked neck as she grabbed him, pulling his mouth to hers. Veronica kissed him sloppily, her lips trembling against his. She kissed him with everything she had and Logan met her with just as much vigor._

_The fee__ling of her body was making his heart race. Blood was pumping wildly in his veins and he wasn't far off. His left hand made its way down her body, slipping past her quaking stomach and down into the wet heat below. _

"_Oh yes…fuck yes," she sang out as his thumb stroked her and he let out a grunt. __She shuddered as her body began to heat up- the vibrations running up her thighs, heading straight for her center- making her heart pound._

_Veronica's body tensed around him as she called out his name in a frenzied climax, __her back arching into him as her hips jerking uncontrollably. Logan came a couple of seconds later thrusting one last time as he bit her shoulder stifling a loud moan. _

_After a few moments- when their breathing had calmed and their heartbeats had slowed- Logan released his grip on her, setting her gently onto the floor._

_As soon as her feet hit the ground Veronica fully realized the damage that she had just done- and the guilt sank in, weighing her down. This was a monumental mistake and she couldn't just take it back._

_They dressed themselves quickly, being careful to avoid any eye contact. Logan was the first to speak, his voice barely above a whisper. "Veronica I…I'm sorry about…being so…I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked, almost afraid to hear her response._

_Her gaze remained fixed on the floor, the shame was evident in her tone as she answered him. "No, its fine...I'm fine. I should…I just have to go," she stammered. _

_Then, __after a few awkward moments, Veronica found herself standing next to the door, at a loss for words. After a silent minute passed, she opened the door and quietly walked out. _

_When Logan heard the familiar "ding" of the elevator, a wave of adrenaline rippled through his body- screaming at him to run after her. But his feet remained firmly planted on the ground, surrounded by pieces of shattered glass- and he stood statue still. _

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Veronica…Veronica. Hey, Veronica!"

Startled, Veronica jumped up in her seat– quickly looking up to see whose hand was gently jostling her shoulder- rousing her out of her trance.

And there he was, staring down at her. That same naïve look was in his eyes, like he hadn't seen a day of tragedy in his life. He wasn't meant for this town, his skin wasn't nearly thick enough. The bruises marring his face were evidence to that fact. He had healed a bit since "the fight"- or what Wallace had previously deemed "the drive by." The split in his lip was closed but the bruises around his eyes were still a marbled fusion of mulberry purple and rich crimson.

Veronica abruptly looked away, eyes downcast as shame stared her in the face. She had cheated on Piz and that was bad enough. Not to mention, the fact that her partner in crime, so to speak, just happened to be the one responsible for the bruises and cuts on Piz's face. She had slept with "the enemy," and the guilt was building up inside her.

A sudden image of a shirtless Logan flashed in her mind's eye. Veronica quickly blinked away the thought and tried to clear her mind. Slipping on her best I-swear-I-did-not-just-fuck-my-ex face, she stood up. Realizing that she still hadn't said anything, Veronica opened her mouth to speak to her friend. No. Her_ boyfriend_, she reminded herself quickly.

Before she got out the first syllable, he was grabbing her, pulling her into a smothering hug. Another pang of guilt shot straight through her, from her head to her toes- hitting every nerve on the way down. A moment later, he released her. Veronica quickly did her best to push away any and all of the aforementioned feelings.

"God, Veronica. Are you alright? You're okay right? I mean, you're not hurt at all or anything?" he questioned.

Mask firmly in place, she answered. "No Piz, I'm not hurt just…Logan. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

A flicker of anger flashed in his eyes before his gaze softened again, displaying only his concern for her. Lowering her eyes to the floor, Veronica once again buried that creeping shame. There. Good. Gone.

She inhaled deeply, expelling a lungful of air as she placed her hands on her hips. In doing so, Veronica's shirt raised up, exposing a few inches of her lower abdomen.

Piz's eyes suddenly widened as he spoke her name, puzzlement gracing his features.

"Veronica."

She looked up at him as he lowered his head and pointed at her exposed midriff. Glancing down at her stomach, Veronica saw the spot that he was so intently staring at.

"Gees, that's a big bruise. I thought that you said you didn't get hurt? What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, that. That's nothing. I was making dinner for my dad the other night, Backup barked at something outside and I got startled, ran into the corner of the counter. Born blonde for a reason I guess," she laughed.

There. Flawless. Lying had always come easy for Veronica. As a child, her mother had frequently told her that "God gives everyone a special talent." Well, if that was the case, then being able to tell a boldface lie on the spot was Veronica's "special talent." Hell, if she needed to, Veronica could twist the truth into a dainty little pretzel of falsity with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back. Whether or not that was an admirable quality was questionable. But hey, who was she to forgo using her God-given abilities?

"Oh. Okay…so, you ready to get out of here?" He lowered his head to her ear, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Granny Moses over there is giving me the evil eye."

Veronica let out a weak laugh. "Yeah, she's been going all Igor on me for awhile now. Guess you're her new victim."

"Right, well not for long…so, you wanna come stay at my dorm? Wallace is gonna be out for most of the day, something about buying a safari hat. Anyway, so what do ya say? Maybe take a nap. You look like you could use some beauty sleep," he smiled brightly as he babbled incessantly.

Veronica was silent for a few moments, looking up at him, trying to find her words. Piz mistook her hesitation for disapproval and quickly spoke up.

"Veronica. God, I'm sorry. I was just kidding, trying to lighten the mood, you know? I wasn't saying that-" he stammered before she cut him off.

"I know," she replied, touching his arm reassuringly. "I know, I'm just…it's sweet of you to offer but I'd just rather be…alone," she told him, her announcement seeming more like a plea than an actual statement.

With obvious hurt in his eyes, he donned a faux smile. "Yeah, okay. I get it. Alone time. Right, that's cool…ready?"

Veronica opened her mouth, ready to spit out some soothing words of comfort, but then thought twice about it. She was drained– emotionally and physically- and the last thing she wanted was to deal with Piz's fragile psyche. So she stuck with a simple, "Yeah," a yawn escaping her as they made their way toward the exit.

"Oh…and I'm sorry about your dad," Piz added casually.

Veronica stopped in her tracks and glanced up at him with those questioning sapphire eyes. "What…about my dad?" she asked, uneasiness creeping into her voice.

Piz let out a long breath. "Oh _God_, you don't know? Leave it to the boyfriend to ruin your day…maybe…I shouldn't tell you right now?"

"Um, hello." She waved her hand over his face dramatically. "Did we just meet? You can't just start telling me something and then stop. You're like blue-balling my inquiring mind here Piznarski."

Piz let out a kind of half snort half laugh and then grew serious when he saw the resolute look on her face. She waited, eyebrows raised.

"The election. It was on the news this morning. That Van Lowe guy won…but it was a close run, if that…if that help," he stuttered.

Veronica shook her head as she processed the information. She couldn't say that she was surprised. Still, this was just _too_ much. Veronica didn't say anything. Words wouldn't make it better so what was the point? She just turned back toward the exit and kept walking. Piz stood statue still, watching her walk away. When he noticed her walk out the sliding electrical doors and into the hot California sun, he quickly followed.

Well, whoever said it was right. Life. Is. A. Bitch…and it's always having puppies.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

The car ride back to Veronica's apartment complex was mercilessly long. Piz made a few attempts to start up a conversation but it was obvious that Veronica was not in a chatty mood. So he surrendered to the silence- the awkward, deafening silence.

Veronica silently thanked every god she could think of when they finally arrived. She opened the door not a second after the car came to a stop.

"Hey…" Piz uttered, placing a tentative hand on her arm before she was completely out of the car. "If you need to talk I-"

Veronica shrugged his hand away and stepped out of the vehicle. "I'd really rather not," she answered, her voice void of any and all emotion.

After taking a few steps away from the car she turned around, glancing back at him. "Thanks, Piz…for doing this," she added, managing to cram a small bit of gratitude into her sentiment.

"Sure Veronica." He gave her a weak smile and a wave before driving off.

Turning on her heals; Veronica made her way toward the apartment.

Oh God. Backup. She had been so busy worrying about Logan that she had forgotten to get someone to let out her dog. Great. Awesome. Having to clean up her pitbull's urine and or feces always sucked. And having to do it _now_- when she barely had the energy to stand- well, that _really_ fucking sucked.

As she passed by the pool, Veronica began hearing some unexpected noises- noises that appeared to be coming from her apartment. She suddenly mentally smacked herself. During all of the drama last night, she had also forgotten to lock the door and she was without her bag. More importantly, she was without Mr. Sparky.

She stood by the door, contemplating how stupid she'd feel if she went inside unarmed and _did_ find intruders versus how stupid she'd feel if she waited out those hypothetical burglars only to find that there was no one inside but Backup.

Screw it. After hearing the news of the election results, Veronica was sure she could muster up enough rage and adrenaline to take down a few men.

Turning the knob slowly, she pushed the door open. Backup was wagging his tail, sitting near the sofa. Veronica scanned the carpet quickly. No mess in sight. Curious.

All of a sudden something appeared in Veronica's peripheral vision. She jumped back a foot when she glanced over at the kitchenette. Her father was suddenly standing there, shards of broken glass clutched in his fists.

"Holy fu-…hell. What are you tying to do dad, scare your only daughter to death?" Veronica asked, still breathing hard, her hand pressed firmly on her chest.

"No. Then who would rub my feet? And if I really wanted to do that I would have made my scary face," he joked, showing his teeth and scrunching up his face.

You do realize that your 'scary face' looks an awful lot like your everyday expression. Seriously dad, people are starting to talk," she smiled, walking towards her father.

Keith threw the remaining pieces of glass in the trash and opened his arms to embrace his daughter. After a few long moments, they broke away from each other.

"I called you a couple times to tell you that I was coming home. Care to tell me where you were all night honey?…And if you say you were at your boyfriend's, I might just have to go put the fear of God in that boy, and by that I mean wave my gun around in his face. Maybe bust out the ol' family polygraph."

Veronica's gaze drifted to the other side of the room and when she didn't respond, her father put his hands on her shoulders, shaking her a bit.

"Hey…honey. You okay? Did something happen last night?" his tone was loving and calm.

Blinking a few times, she looked back up at her father. "I'm sorry," she exhaled. Her voice was barely about a whisper. "About the election."

Seeing the sorrow in her eyes, he warmly held his daughter again. "Hey, Veronica. It's okay. It's not your fault," he continued to assure her. "We were doing just fine before, we'll be fine. Plus, now we're the only two PI's in town." Summoning up his best Bogart impression he jested, "Can you say monopoly kid?"

They both laughed before separating again. "Seriously though, you look beat. What's up?" he asked, a twinkle of curiosity shining in his eyes.

"Do you think we could just talk about it later? It's a long story and I'm exhausted. See?" she pointed to her eyes before turning and walking toward her room. "Bags under eyes. Need sleep now," she trailed off.

Was she lying to her father? No. Avoiding the issue? Yes. But really, what was she supposed tell him? That someone, or a group of someones, had nearly killed Logan last night and that said party was undoubtedly planning a similar fate for her…? No. He didn't need to know that information- at least not yet, not until she could find out who was responsible.

Keith quickly spoke up, trying to stop her. "Veronica? Wait, we need to talk about-"

"Dad, I'm really tired. I-" Veronica stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes fixated on the body asleep in her bed.

"Your mother." Keith finished.

Veronica just stood there, her mouth gaping open. There she was- sleeping soundly in her daughter's bed- like all had been forgiven. One Lianne Mars. Veronica couldn't speak for her father's policy on forgiveness but as far as she was concerned, he might as well of been harboring a terrorist. Some sins she just could not pardon.

Standing there, Veronica tried to find the right words to say. Hell, _any_ words would do but she hadn't expected this. She was truly thrown. So many things in her life right now were happening and Veronica's grip was slipping. She was losing control and that scared her to the very core. Once again, she tried to formulate some sort of response but all she could do was think about how cleaning up dog shit suddenly didn't seem so bad.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


End file.
